Saturday. February Seventeen. Nineteen-Ninety Four.

Me and my pal Sam were sitting on my couch, watching a little television. My apartment was unusually hot this morning. I had the feeling something was up. Shit, was I ever right.

“Sam, I’m going to make some Elios, you want a plank?” I asked.

“Yeah dude, that would be so boss! Also, sweet tri-colored windbreaker material outfit,” Sam replied.

“Thanks man, I love the swishing sound they make with even the slightest of movements.” I said as I walked to the kitchen.

I flipped the switch on in the kitchen, and one out of three fluorescent light tubes flickered on. The other two buzzed some what at a mid-level volume. “Oh no…” I whispered to myself out loud. “slightly above normal temperatures and two medium buzzing light tubes. This is starting to feel too much like October Thirteen Nineteen-Ninety Seven, a day I have lived many years in the future.”

“Knock, knock, knock,knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.” Someone was at the door.

In my heart of hearts, I knew that I should not answer that door. But, what was on the other side was unavoidable. So I undid the chain, and the door exploded into a maelstrom of splintered wood and steam! The force of the blast sent me across the room into the wall. I instantly saw stars and my ears buzzed like a hillbilly after a firework accident. It felt like August Fourteen Nineteen Forty-Two all over again. I came to just in time to see the culprits surround Sam.

You guessed it, Robots.

Sam was beaten viciously by the gang of seven snarly biker robots for several hours before his heart finally gave out. Then the mustached leader then turned his attention to me. He slowly crossed the room, his cowboy boots thumping the hardwood floor in a monotone beat that surely become the soundtrack of my untimely death.

For what seemed like 16 bars the brooding, bitter old robot walked towards me. As my life was on its third replay before my eyes, his hand was upon my throat. His incredible robot strength could have easily crushed my throat in less than a second, but he was going to savor this kill. He stood me up and pinned me against the wall.

“Zingar, bring me my revolver,”

“Yes, Captain Honzar!”

Honzar’s lead flunky, a fat old S300 model FzzTr, reached into his protective front chamber and withdrew the Winchester and handed it to his leader. He pulled back the hammer and placed it to my temple.

“I’m going to enjoy this Tyler,” he whispered with his face pressed against my cheek. “the chase is finally over.”

Suddenly I felt it. The feeling I have felt many times before! The feeling that has saved my life on countless occasions. My body began shaking violently as my chest cavity became aglow in blue light!

“I’m gonnna jummmmmmp!!!” I screamed. Captain Honzar pulled the trigger with despair in his eyes, but he knew it was too late. I was gone, and he sit in an empty room apart from his band of theives.

I on the other hand was flying through the purple tunnel of light! “I don’t know where I’ll end up, but I’ll be sure to have a rocking good TIME!” I yelled out!!

Sure, my life is hectic. I can’t have a family, I have never seen a real woman naked, and I have horrible night terrors from all the horrors I have seen, but I wouldn’t trade it for all of Prince Zinkflapz of Planet Starbulam gold and sex slaves. This is just the another day in the life off…

Tyler Vice: Time Jumper.